Sacrificing Self for Another’s Happiness
In the process of living with family, with being with friends and associates, we can unknowingly fall down the rabbit hole of people pleasing.
A people pleaser is an individual who mistakenly thinks or feels that if they can make another person happy that they themselves can be happy and, perhaps, safer. They think if only that person were happier then I will be too. Pleasers often sacrifice their needs, energy and power to get a positive response from another. They often exhaust their mental, emotional and physical and / or financial selves in the attempt to make things better.
The pleaser might be focused on wonderful people who they love and would like to please. Or they might try to please the angry, disappointed, addicted, and abusive in their circle. The pleaser often offers opportunities and events, giving gifts and services to find a breakthrough, thinking they are doing or not doing something to help the person find their happiness or resolve issues. Yet the pleaser cannot possibly create another’s happiness or fix or transform another.
The person they are trying to please is responsible for their own happiness, is the only one who is able to create it. A person has to want it.
Pleasers might dream of a “heaven on earth” and truly believe it can be accomplished if only they were better at pleasing. Not so. In addition, the pleaser often does not understand what the other person really wants, needs or what is driving their behavior. The pleaser simply needs to stay in observation mode, let others have their experience, lessons and the effects of their actions. And to be there for support if asked and if possible, within boundaries.
Pleasers need to know that it is not possible to make another person happy. That is the other’s job. Self-care, boundaries and personal respect is what will help both the pleaser and the other create individual happiness, individual personal heaven on earth.
Image by TheresePerera from Pixabay